Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
