Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
