Small penises have feelings too.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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