Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
