it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize