i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
