please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
