Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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