I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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