I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
