I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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