ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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