What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
