Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
