so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
