i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
