I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
