maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
