he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize