I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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