I'll bet she douches with gravy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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