dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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