i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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