I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
