I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
