he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
