woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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