You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
