Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
