Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
