So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
