I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
