Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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