I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
