My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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