how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
