I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
