I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
