normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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