I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
