Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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