based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
