i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
