We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
