I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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