Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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