You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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