Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
