I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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