Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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