8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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