i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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