It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
