Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
