Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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