Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
