We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
