That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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