the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
