Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The air was thick with penises
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
