I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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