he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just gargled with NyQuil
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
