So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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