Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
