I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
