I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
