I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
