brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize