Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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